Circus, Circus

Gather one, gather all, for I have a story to tell. This is not a tale that you will proudly tell your children at night before they drift off into dreamworld. This is not a adventure that you will share with your coworkers in the break-room in hopes to spice up the work day. And finally, this is not a story you will even want to read, but you must. You must know the tale of the Beast, and you must know it now. He is in all of us, in our everyday lives. He torments us, and he derives pleasure from our pain. No. You must know the story of the Beast, for he is all of us.

I’m the master of my own fate, you say. I control my destiny, I say. I am in charge of my own mind, we say together. WRONG. You are wrong, I am wrong, we are all wrong. The Beast is in charge, for he is always there. He’s the little kid crouched behind the trashcan on the street waiting to scare the shit out of you. He’s the asshole that took your parking spot after you waited with your signal on for five minutes. He’s the douche-canoe that took the last donut in the goddamn break-room. You know, the one literally with your name on it. These things seem trivial, and the Beast seems harmless. That type of thinking will get you killed around here, my unsuspecting friend.

The Beast is in charge of your downfall. He’s there at your worst moments, waiting to lash out with his wicked tongue that drips with venom. You get a phone call that your best friend died. The Beast laughs in the background. You find out that you’re going to be laid off from work in a week. The Beast punches you in the gut for extra drama. You find out that your parents are getting a divorce. The Beast insists that it’s your doing, and that self-hatred is the only answer.

As you can see, the Beast is everywhere all at once. Your worst moments, those that you desperately try to hide from the world, are all revealed in his presence. Want to know why? Because the Beast is in you. He’s playing around in your head, waiting to reveal himself at the perfect moment. When you doubt yourself, he’s there to re-enforce your thoughts. When you hate yourself, he’s screaming about all your insecurities at the top of his lungs. When you want to die, he lists the ways for you to do it in alphabetical order. It’s literally his job to tear you apart, and he enjoys every minute of it. He also happens to be damn good at it too.

We all have a Beast. The Beast is you, my dear friend. And there is nothing you can do about it. Fight the Beast? You”ll lose. Argue with the Beast? He is a master at spinning tales. Ignore the Beast? He’ll bring followers that are even louder and more annoying than he is. No, you’re going about this all wrong. You must learn to live with him inside your head. He will always be there, but you can move past that. Listen to his obnoxious screams, and then laugh in his face. Listen to his alphabetized list of suicidal fantasies, and tear the list up in your mind. Hear what he is saying to you, and choose to be better than that. The Beast is merely a child throwing a tantrum. Give it the time of day and the cries grow stronger, feeding off your energy. Learn to cope with the tantrum and find strategies to minimize the damage? That’a boy, now you’re thinking.

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